Friday afternoon I was swamped at work. Well…more like drowning….
I was sitting at my desk looking at the amount of work I had and I thought, this is what people mean when they say there’s not enough time in the day. As I was sitting there stressing out I thought…where was I five years ago that day?…
My daughter and I had just moved to Tampa and I had been desperately looking for a job. I applied at numerous companies from call center agencies to fast food places. I had never struggled with finding work in my life until then. I felt completely useless. A mother to a one year old and I can’t even provide for her. During those days to make myself useful I would wake up with my daughter, make us breakfast, watch sesame street, get us dressed, clean up a little, then head to the library. It was a pretty good distance away from where we were staying, so I would fix our snacks, prepare her diaper bag and start walking(didn’t have a car of course). I went to get DVD’s and books with teaching my daughter sign language, spanish, shapes, colors and whatever else I felt like getting really, I was poor and it was all free!
But I remember when I would wake up in the morning, opening my eyes to the morning light coming in and hearing people in our building leave. The cars starting, traffic on the road getting busier and louder….I would think…man I wish that were me. I wish I had a job to get to. I wish I was obligated to be somewhere other than a doctors appointment for my kid. I wish I was apart of the hustle and bustle, the morning rush.
I remember feeling so depressed about not working. I felt like I was letting my daughter down. And sitting at my desk…remembering all that….I got teary eyed and just giggled. I wanted this so badly at one point….now….I wanted to scream lol. Now I wish I could just for a moment go back to the long walks under that mid day heat, my kids toothless grin and the simplicity of having absolutely nothing to do…Next time I’ll be more specific about the things I want before I send those thoughts out. On the brighter side, I’m off on the weekends and there were times when I had to work them…Thankful.