I was watching a video of Oprah interviewing Beyonce, and they were discussing Beyonce’sfather no longer being her manager. Oprah brought up an idea that when we’re children our parents are our manager and as we get older they become our consultants and how alot of parents don’t see or do the transition well….
There were times where I’d talk to parents and as I listened it seemed to me like they saw/treated their children like a possession. They are God to their children. They are the puppeteer and the kid is the puppet. Honestly before I had my daughter that’s how I thought parenting is supposed to be. My child would never do this, be that way, act this way, or wear those …and my child will do this and that etc… But once I had my Autumn??? Ha! I used to tell people it’s like angels told her while she in my womb “ok now this mama you’ll have is crazy and fun but she can be a bit controlling, now you’re going to have to remind her that you have a mind of your own, she will need constant reminders; you are your own person and don’t ever forget that.” And Autumn has NEVER forgotten. She is so opionated that after awhile I truly felt like a consultant. I used to think I could just TELL my child “Looka here nah…. I’m the mama!…. I’m the HBIC….. I tell you when the sun rises ok?!? Mmmhm and don’t chu forget it…” but that didn’t last as long as I thought it would. I don’t let her do whatever she wants of course, but I try my best to treat her like she is a person like me, she is a lot younger, smaller, has less experience, but she is just as important as me. I’m not smarter I just know more right now. A time will come when she’ll know more than me (she already does with navigating electronics) and that’s ok. Our conversations are more like:
Her: mommy I don’t want to go to bed
Me: you have to, now scoot ya boots and go!
Her: but why I don’t want to is not fair!
Me: you know how you don’t like getting up in the morning? And you cry and fuss? Well when you get enough rest by going to sleep you know what happens?
Me: you wake up happy! You smile! Your body will say let’s get it! I’m ready learn! Play! And stay out all day!
Her: (laughing) my body doesn’t say all that mommy
Me: it might! You gotta go to sleep to find out!
Some people think I don’t really discipline her and everything is up for negotiation. And it can be like that alot with us, but from my first hand experience with my own daughter, I can honestly say that she walks away with more understanding of why I do things a certain way when I take the time to explain it versus me just saying things like “bc I said so”
Even when it comes to choosing simple things like what she should eat at a restaurant. If I say no don’t get that drink, you wouldn’t like it anyway, she takes offense. Now if I say, Autumn you sure? Last time you said you didn’t like that drink… She takes it like I’m trying to help instead of I’m taking her choice away. I already feel like I’ve been consulting with her since she got here so hopefully that means once she’s older, I won’t struggle with letting go of whatever little power I have left. Anyway Happy Consulting Day!
Side note:: She massaged my feet, shoulders and painted my nails for mother’s day 😍😍😍😍😍