Whenever I lose my temper and go off on my daughter….I feel like a monster. Now this is usually after I’ve exercised what I feel is a lot of patience. I asked her to bring me a bottle of juice out of the mini fridge we have last night (which was literally two steps from where we were sitting)
Me: yes, it’s in a green clear bottle, right on the door..
Her: (closes the fridge to look on the door)
Me: no on the inside but on the door..
Her: (pulls out a container with a green top)
Me: Audi..I said green bottle… that’s not a bottle.
Her: (toss container back in, spilling a cup of juice she put on the shelf earlier)
Me: ok Audi nevermind! I got it I got it.
Her: sorry mommy
Me: (proceeds to clean up the spill and go off)
My going off was basically telling her it didn’t seem like she was paying attention. She knows her colors and shapes and has for quite some time now. This was too easy of a task….As I’m saying this she is picking at the empty space where her tooth used to be, sliding in slow motion off the bed. Which in my mind says….”I couldn’t care less about what she’s saying lalala lalala” I pointed out how she isn’t paying attention now..then I just said forget it and went back to watching a show on my phone. She then snuggles up under me…
It amazes me how children will cuddle up to you even after scolding them. It made me think, ugh Anita it’s just a spill. She is 6. She is a kid. This is what happens sometimes when you ask her to do something you can EASILY DO YOURSELF. Anita you fuss too much. She’s going to end up hating you. You suck at momming. You should have never had a kid.
I apologized for yelling.
Her: it’s ok mommy I deserved it.
Me: well no we all make mistakes and I’m sure you didn’t make your juice spill on purpose. And no one deserves to be spoken to like that. ( Of course some people but I didn’t want get too deep and stray)
Her: no mommy anytime you get mad at something I did I deserve you yelling at me.
Now at this point I’m about to cry. And tell her she is sugar and spice and everything nice and I’m a bad person, and I’m sorry you got me as a mom. But. I remember. My daughter is very clever. So this could be one of her Yea I’m about to make mommy regret all that fussin she just did moments. This is the same kid who will just for laughs, while in the store, say in a loud tone, so everyone can hear ” what did you say mommy? That you don’t love me anymore? What did I do?! I wish you would love me again!”…… and while everyone stares at me in silence…she has a grin on her face…yes…my daughter. Totally something I’d do, she’s so much like me it’s crazy. So I get a grip of my heart, shove it back in my chest, tell it to sit down and shut up and I explained.
Me: Autumn, there are times when you deserve to be disciplined yes and even punished; but that doesn’t mean you deserve to be spoken to any kind of way. Most people including me raise their voice when they get upset. Doesn’t mean it’s ok. We should all try to control our temper even when someone does something to make us angry.
Her: ok mommy…. what’s a temper?
Moments like that to me are the hardest and what it is to be a parent. Going to work, earning money, to buy food, clothes, toys, bills and all that is the easy part. It’s really what I’d do even if I didn’t have a kid..but the teaching and explaining and self examination while still trying to be a good example.. is the hard part. And I know ten years from now, God willing, when she comes to me to tell me the kind of car she wants…. I’ll miss these, spills on floor days. Cheers to parenting!
Artwork by Autumn 😍